Men Do Not Follow Directions

... at least not when they are thinking with their dicks.

I placed an ad online for sex today. I specified that I was looking for replies to include details about what they want sexually because I wanted to "fulfill his fantasy." I was curious about the fantasies that men have. I even said, "Do not reply asking me what I want. I want to know your fantasy."

I kid you not, this was one of the responses.

"What did you have in mind?"

*Smacks forehead*

I got a few detailed responses, a handful of vague "I love to eat pussy" responses, one person who wanted to cuddle and spoon (gag!), and a whole lot of "let's fuck" one-liners.

Jesus, people. If you can't be bothered to bang out a few sentences about how you like it, why should I let you put your dick in me?

The best things in life may be free, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't put in a little effort.

This whole experience makes me glad that I am already in a relationship. I just wanted to see what was out there and get some ideas for some erotic short stories that I am working on. But I sure am glad that I didn't need one of these to work out.

(Although, truth be told, there were a couple that might have been fun.)

Anal Sex: My First Time

In my last post, I told you that I wanted to try anal sex, but was afraid. Well, I did it.

Maybe it was the fact that he had a few beers. Maybe it was because he was stressed out about work. Maybe it had something to do with the sex date he has next week with another woman. Whatever the reason, my boyfriend decided to get a little daring last night and start fingering my ass while I was giving him a blow job.

He started to get really into it and even asked me for some lube. I could tell that it was really turning him on a lot. And then, he said how much he really wants to have anal sex with me.

I love to submit to the will and desires of my partner during sex. That is a huge turn on for me. So, I was game.

After some more foreplay and some vaginal sex, he got some more lube and it was go time. I'm not going to lie; it freaking hurt - at first. I wanted it to feel good, but it really didn't. The worst part was that he was clearly into it, so I wanted to enjoy it. (Heh, I wanted to enjoy it anyway.)

Then, I realized that it would probably feel a lot better if I just relaxed and got into it, instead of being so freaked out. Once I did that, it did feel very good. But, then it was over.

When he came, I could tell that it felt really good for him. He confirmed that, when I said, "You went where no man has gone before," and he replied, "I went where I am definitely going again!"

I know that this is something we will be doing again, maybe even a lot. I'm sure that next time I will enjoy it a lot more because the fear of the unknown is over. I'm looking forward to that.

Adventures in Nonmonogamy

Ever since I first heard about polyamorous relationships, I was intrigued. I have always thought that monogamy was unnatural. No one person can be everything to another, and it is normal for people to want different things as time goes on. Putting it all on one person to fulfil all of that is too much pressure, not to mention impossible to live up to.

All of the cheating that goes on confirms that monogamy does not work for a lot of people. (I am not saying that it doesn't work for some people or that everyone cheats.) The problem with expecting monogamy from someone who is not inclined to be monogamous is that it creates a situation where deceit is likely.

I personally care more about honesty than I do about monogamy. I know that sex isn't the same as love, and if my partner has sex with another woman, it does not mean that I am inadequate. I simply cannot be everything to him, nor should I try to be.

I bought the book "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino, and it just made so much sense to me. Yes, an open relationship is the way to go for me.

At the time, I was still with my husband of 9 years. He was freaked out about the idea. He had no desire to indulge any of the different sexual experimentation I was interested in, but at the same time, he was not secure enough to let me explore being with other people - not even other women.

After we split up, I decided that I wasn't going to be monogamous again. But then I fell in love.

My current boyfriend was all for the idea initially, but once he really fell for me, he didn't like the idea of me being with another person. So, he asked me to be exclusive, and I agreed.

As time went on, I seriously began to question whether or not he was going to be faithful. I would often ask him if he felt like he needed some variety and assured him it was alright with me. He would say that he didn't want anyone but me. Yet I always had a nagging suspicion that he was going to cheat on me or that he was being dishonest. I also struggled with my own faithfulness, especially because, after leaving my religion a few years ago, I realized that I am bisexual, and I want to experience being with other women.

One day, after I had been chatting erotically with a male friend of mine - and seriously questioning my commitment to monogamy - I snooped around on my boyfriend's computer and found that he had been meeting women online throughout our entire relationship.

I confronted him, and he felt really bad about hurting me. He said that he didn't intend to meet any of them offline. He just liked to get them to send him pictures. I already know that he likes to masturbate to porn, so it seemed plausible. I also always know where he is. And I know that he really does love me. We have a great relationship. Plus, I could tell that he felt bad about it.

Again, I told him that I am okay with having an open relationship. I understand if he wants some variety. I know that he loves me, and it doesn't mean he wants to be in a relationship with another woman. Blah, blah, blah.

I also brought up that I want to be able to play with other women, so it didn't have to mean my being with other men. Still, he insisted that he didn't want to be with anyone else.

Finally, one night a few weeks later, we were really drunk and the topic came up again. He said that he decided that he didn't mind if I was with another woman, but he really didn't want me to be with another man. I agreed to that.

Then, he finally admitted that he does like variety. I told him that it is okay with me for him to sleep with other women. I know that his heart is here, and I am not worried about him leaving me.

He said that there was a woman that he was supposed to hook up with before we met, but she moved. Now she's coming back to the area, and she's been texting him. He told her that he has a girlfriend and can't hook up. But he would really like to. He even jerked off one day thinking about it.

I told him that it's okay. I was overjoyed that he was finally being honest with me because I never really trusted him, and now I can. I know that he's the kind of guy who likes a lot of sex, and I always knew he really wanted to be with other women. I knew he was still talking to women behind my back - and lying about it - and that it was just a matter of time before he ended up cheating.

He said he was really sorry for not being honest, but he's just never met a woman who would be okay with that. Then he said I don't have to worry about him falling for someone else because he loves everything about me and doesn't have any interest in finding a different girlfriend. He just - as I suspected - likes variety. Plus, he thinks it will make our sex life better, which is what a lot of couples said in "Opening Up." (Not that our sex life isn't already great.)

I felt closer to him than ever. I definitely think this will be a good thing.

So, now he has plans to get together with that woman next week, one night after work. It will be interesting to see how it goes. He said he feels guilty about being with someone else, even though I said it was okay. He wanted me to do it first, so he wouldn't feel bad, but I have been busy with some other stuff and haven't taken the time to meet someone. (Unfortunately, none of my girlfriends are bi.)

I read him a quote from "Opening Up," from the chapter on partnered nonmonogamy, which is the arrangement we have, where there is a primary relationship of two committed people, who have sex with other people but not serious relationships.

"I definitely have a single significant other. While I certainly fuck/play with other people, there's a distinct boundary of `home' and `extracurricular.' My girlfriend is the person I live with, work with, spend most of my time with, and most importantly, love."

He said, "Awwww," which is exactly what I said when I read it. That's how he feels, and that's why I am okay with him being with other women. I know where his heart calls home.

How To Remove a Ben Wa Ball from Your Butt

Let's put that at the top of the list of things I never thought I would need to Google, yet I did. Need to, that is. (Yes, I got a ben wa ball stuck in my butt.)

Surprisingly, there was no information. None. Just lots of articles warning me not to do that. Yeah, um, well, too late for that. Now, how in the hell do I get this thing out?!?

I was able to find some stories about people getting things stuck up there, by changing my search to "ball stuck in butt." If you're looking for some entertaining stories, try that some time.

Anyway, back to my story. And, more importantly, perhaps, what to do if you get a ball stuck in your ass.

First off, I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice. By all means, seek medical attention if you are concerned that you're in dire straits. In most of the stories I read, people did go to the ER. Do not let this post discourage you from doing so, if you have any troubling symptoms. Use good judgement.

Okay, here's what happened. I have never had anal sex, but I want to, and my boyfriend really wants to. The thing is I am scared. I've put my finger in there, and it's a damn tight hole. And the time my boyfriend fingered my ass, it hurt after. So, I've been trying to get used to the idea of putting things in my ass hoping that my enjoyment of the sensation will outweigh my fear. (It's definitely getting there; I do like it!)

When I was masturbating yesterday, I decided to stick not one, but two ben wa balls in my ass. It felt good to have them in there, and I had a huge orgasm. But, when it came time to take them out... not so good.

The first ball came out rather easily. I put my finger into my vagina and was able to feel the ball. So I just gently worked it out, pushing from behind.

Then I went to get out the second ball, and I couldn't even feel it. I put my finger as far into my anus as it would go and I still could not feel the ball. At first, I wondered if it had fallen out. But I could kind of feel the sensation that something was in there.

I decided to give it some time to work its way down. That's when I went online to find out what to do. I couldn't believe that I didn't find anything about it.

I went back in the bathroom and felt inside again. This time I was able to touch the ball, but it was far in and not near the vaginal wall. Still, the fact that it did work its way down a little gave me hope.

I put on a pad, just in case it - or something else - came out, and went to run some errands. I tried to keep calm, and told myself it would come out. After all, stuff comes out of that hole every day. Fortunately, it was a nice round object that wouldn't get caught on anything.

When I got home, I was able to feel it through my vaginal wall, and I worked it out. Good as new. Me, not the ball. The ball came out all tarnished on one side like someone had burned it.

I had only some very mild cramping while it was in me, but I also started my period last night, so the cramps might have been from that. Otherwise, no real harm done.

Lesson learned: There's a reason anal beads have a string.

Short version:

How To Remove a Ben Wa Ball from Your Ass

• First, relax. It will all be okay, and it will be okay sooner if you relax.
• If you are in pain, get medical attention! Don't risk serious injury because you're a little embarrassed. Listen to what your body tells you.
• If you are a woman, try feeling for the ball through your vaginal wall. (Make sure you're using clean fingers.) If you can, gently work the ball out by pushing from behind it.
• If it's really far in, just relax and go about your business to give it time to work its way out.
• Try walking around to get things moving.
• Do not strain to push it out, but you can squat and gently try to push it out. (Think: trying to poop.)

With patience and time, it should come out. The ball is smooth and shouldn't get stuck on anything. But, if all else fails - or if you are in pain - see a doctor.

I would love to hear other people's stories of getting things stuck inside, and how they got them out.

Ahh, a New Blogging Adventure

I always hate writing a blog’s first post. It feels so forced. But, you have to start somewhere, I guess. I once had a blog that I started as if I had been posting all along. There was no introduction, no “welcome to my new blog,” or anything to indicate that the blog was new. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but when I looked back at it, it seemed kind of funny that I did it that way.

So, welcome to my new blog. I’ll probably end up using a lot of this in an “about” page, once I get this thing going, so even though no one will probably read this right now, it still serves a purpose for me.

You may wonder what this blog is going to be about. As a pretty experienced blogger, I know that blogs tend to take on a life of their own and grow and change over time. But, I do have an idea of why I am here and what brought me here, so I will tell you a little about that.

I love sex, plain and simple. I love to talk about it, read about it, and of course, do it. But, aside from being a horny little slut, I find sex as a topic quite fascinating. I think it’s the only thing that almost everyone does, yet there are so many taboos about it.

Imagine if we weren't supposed to talk about food, like we aren’t supposed to talk about sex. How odd would that be? Yet eating and fucking are almost equally important, aside from the fact that you can technically live without sex. (Although, why would you want to?)

So, this blog is going to be about any and all things sex. More specifically, I will be posting about sex in the news, my own sexual fantasies, my erotic short stories, sex toy reviews, and maybe some erotic artwork of mine. I would also like to do an advice column, once I get some regular readers.

That’s where I kind of see this blog going. I thank you for stopping by, and I hope you enjoy yourself.

XO,

Pru